Honey I Blew Up the Kid

The movie title, Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, is a bit misleading because the movie doesn’t deliver on what the title suggests.  Buuuuuuut, what if Honey, I Blew Up the Kid did deliver on what the title seems to be suggesting?  What I mean to say is, what if Rick Moranis’s character actually blew up (exploded) his child?  What would that movie look like?

What actually happens in the film is that Rick Moranis’s device expands or enlarges his kid.  “Blew up” is a bit of a misnomer.  “Blew up” suggests an explosion and destruction of the thing being blown up.  This might be a bit nitpicky, but I believe titles are important as concise, interesting, and accurate representations of the much larger work that the title is meant to represent.  I don’t feel Honey, I Blew Up the Kid accurately reflects what the film is about (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids works just fine).

Anyway, for whatever reason, a few weeks ago my officemate and I somehow got on the topic of what the movie, Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, would look like if it was actually about what happens when Rick Moranis blows up his own child.  It wouldn’t be a comedy, that’s for sure.  Actually, it would be a dramatic trilogy.

The basic outline is this:

  • Film 1: Due to general incompetence and bad parenting, Rick Moranis’s character takes his 2 year old son to his lab where he is conducting experiments on a devise which has previously been shown to be dangerous and unpredictable.  Unsupervised children should never be left alone around this devise.  But, of course, this is exactly what happens.  Rick Moranis’s character is being absentminded and irresponsible, so naturally his curious toddler gets bored and wants to play with stuff.  He comes across the previously mentioned dangerous devise and manages to blow himself up while playing with it.  Rick Moranis’s character is obviously devastated.  He is arrested and charged with something like neglegent homicide.  The rest of the film unfolds as a courtroom drama where Rick Moranis’s character’s parenting is put on trial as well as science in general.  Throughout the trial Rick Moranis’s character’s family remains supportive of him for some reason.  There’s a lot of tearful moments and great courtroom arguments with zingy oneliners and dramatic music building to the climactic verdict.  We get some close ups of peoples’ nervous faces as the verdict is read.  Guilty!  End of film one.
  • Film 2: After his conviction Rick Moranis’s character is sent to prison.  The rest of the film unfolds as a classic prison drama…sort of.  There’s some gang of bad guys who are out to get him for some reason.  He struggles to get along and is a loner until he meets a wise old inmate (Morgan Freeman) who helps him navigate the complex world of prison life.  He struggles with inner conflicts and social dilemmas.  But, instead of overcoming his inner demons and problems with personal relationships he spirals into madness and despair.  This is not an inspirational story.  Think The Shawshank Redemption without the redemption.  Prison has clearly changed him for the worse.  He develops some crazy beliefs about how the world should work and either converts to some extreme religious worldview or develops his own (haven’t figured out the details on this yet).  His downward spiral affects his relationship with his family and they slowly disassociate from him because they feel they don’t know him anymore.  The film ends with his release from prison.
  • Film 3: This film is basically American History X but possibly more depressing and slightly crazier.

Hollywood, we will be waiting for your call.  You’re welcome.