This weekend I am going to a wedding.  I love weddings.

However, I’m not a big fan of the wedding ceremony itself.  I find wedding ceremonies to be dull and unnecessary events that were invented to delay me from obtaining cake.  They should be done away with, or at the very least, shortened to a reasonable length of about 8 seconds.  And if you intend to have a ceremony, please liven it up a bit.

The best part of any wedding is the cake.  This is not a matter of opinion or debatable.  Cake.  I have seen many variations of cake at the weddings I’ve attended.  All are acceptable and appreciated.  Here are a few examples:

  • The Classic.  This is the standard tiered wedding cake.  It is awesome because it towers like the Mayan pyramids of Central America.  They are usually magnificently decorated and taste marvelous.  A lot of care and craftsmanship goes into The Classic.  The Classic is also a good cake for the cake cutting ceremony, and is appreciated by me for the simple fact that it is big;  therefore, lots of yummy cake for my belly.

  • The Table Cake.  This cake is appreciated for its proximity to where I am sitting.  I don’t have to go anywhere or wait in line to get my cake.  It is within arm’s reach.  With this variation there are often different cakes at different tables, so if you don’t like the cake at your table or just want some variety you can briefly join another table or simply steal their cake.

  • Cupcakes.  These are great because there is often a variety and they don’t require utensils.  They can be artfully arranged into a number of interesting patterns and shapes to meet your aesthetic needs.  These are similar to The Table Cake because they are often right at your table and there are usually multiple kinds.  They are also easier to slip into your girlfriend’s purse than regular cake.

  • However, the best kind of cake … MORE CAKE

  • There are a few acceptable alternatives to cake as well.  Pies, tarts, carrot cakes, and cheese cakes are also acceptable variations on the cake theme.  However, the most important thing is that you offer a dessert option.  If there is no dessert Jason will be angry and leave, and possibly steal some of your wedding presents on the way out.

Another recent thing I’ve noticed at wedding receptions is the photo booth.  I’ve been to three weddings recently that had these wonderful little contraptions.  They are wonderful because they offer me an alternative to dancing (which I hate) and awkward conversations with complete strangers while waiting in line for a drink or at the table.  They seems to be rather popular and rather fun.

This concludes my thoughts on weddings.